Rockford VERSUS Magnum

The most popular television private eyes of the Seventies and the Eighties clash in a battle for investigative supremacy. In this corner, we have James Rockford (portrayed by the sublime James Garner) – Korean War vet, ex-con (he was innocent), con man, and loving son, while in this corner, we've got mustachioed Thomas Sullivan Magnum (the charismatic Tom Selleck), a Vietnam vet, former Naval Intelligence officer, and fashion disaster.

Now, Rockford's – arguably – more mature, and his prison experiences give him an "in" with the criminal element, as well as a number of contacts and informers that he can turn to while investigating his cases. Magnum, on the other hand, has a circle of war buddies and a wealthy –if unseen – patron, in the form of mysterious pulp novelist Robin Masters, whose resources he can exploit in pursuing his investigations. Rockford drives a gold Firebird, while Magnum drives a red Ferarri (although, it should be pointed out that at least Rockford owns his own car).

Both P.I.s struggle with their finances and take on far too many non-paying cases. Both also have maintained semi-romantic relationships with cute female lawyers. Rockford owns his own home – a beat-up mobile home in a restaurant parking lot in Malibu – while Magnum lives in the guest house of Masters' vast, Hawaiian estate, ostensibly in return for being the on-site security. This tends to mean that Rockford's domicile is much more frequently invaded by angry, sap-and-revolver-wielding thugs and desperate lowlife clients. I'm guessing that Magnum sleeps much more soundly.

Professionally, they both seem to be more-than-competent detectives, although (especially in early episodes) Rockford will sometimes quit a job when it looks to be getting too dangerous. On the other hand, one can't help wonder just what Magnum's success rate would be if he didn't have Rick and T.C. to lean on. Magnum is definitely more willing to use deadly force if it seems necessary, carrying his service .45 as a matter of course. Jim's gun is usually home in his cookie jar when he most needs it.

So, if you needed a private eye – excuse me, Magnum – private investigator, which would you turn to? Wry, solid – but sometimes less than tenacious Jim Rockford? Or the occasionally goofball, Hawaiian shirt-and-shorts-wearing Thomas Magnum?

Buck VERSUS Flash!

It's the clash of classic comic strip space aces in a contest for cosmic supremacy – Buck Rogers: heroic aviator who is transported to a war-torn 25th century by a freak dirigible accident with his teenage sidekick Buddy, and Flash Gordon: Yale polo star who, along with the beautiful Dale Arden, is shanghaied by the mad Doctor Zarkov to the oppressed planet of Mongo!

Of course, both of these interplanetary paragons were portrayed in Thirties serials by the same Olympic swimmer-turned-action star, Larry "Buster" Crabbe.

Now, Buck's got cool 25th century gadgets (courtesy of Dr. Huer) and a sexy female pilot (Wilma Deering) to chauffeur him back and forth to Saturn, but his arch-foe, Killer Kane, is pretty much just a hood with delusions of grandeur. Flash has a smokin' hot girlfriend (Dale) lots of weird, alien allies (Barin, Thun, Vultan), is good with fists and swords, and has as his nemesis probably the coolest galactic despot ever, Ming the Merciless.

I'm calling this one for Flash (after all, he had three chapterplays to Buck's one), though I really love the 1939 Buck Rogers serial, and think it's highly underrated. Besides, I think it's telling that when Buster showed up on the 1979 Buck Rogers In The 25th Century television series, his character was named Brigadier Gordon.

"Captain, I've been doing this sort of thing since before you were born."

"Think so, huh?"

"Son, I know so."

What do you folks say? (Remember, it's only the Buster Crabbe serial versions of the characters that we're dealing with here.)

Skeletor VERSUS Ming the Merciless!

It's the clash of 80's cinematic intergalactic despots: Skeletor from the 1987 live-action Masters of the Universe, versus Ming the Merciless from the 1980 film, Flash Gordon!

Both tyrannical titans are probably the best things about their respective films (both flicks are favorites of mine, nonetheless) – as both Frank Langella and Max Von Sydow rise above their scripted dialogue with classy, sublimely sinister performances. Langella, in particular, shines, working through a thick, nearly immobile rubber mask.

But in a battle between ultimate evils, who would win?

Skeletor, with his army of Darth Vader-esque stormtroopers and the stolen power of Castle Grayskull, or the self-styled Emperor of the Universe, with his ability to control the weather of distant planets, brainwashing rays and fleet of art deco rocketships?

Place your bets, folks!

(Note – we're only taking about these particular versions of the characters.)