Cancelled 2 Soon And It's A Crime

A lot of interesting television series get cut down in infancy, usually because some network is too impatient to stick with a show through its early - and usually inevitable - growing pains and give it time to find its audience. Of course, some shows simply suck, and deserve to be strangled in the crib - to perhaps take the metaphor a bit too far....

Anyway, two cancelled-too-soon TV shows that I thought were pretty damned good right out of the gate and really wish would come out on DVD so I could at least enjoy repeatedly re-watching the few episodes that do exist are: 2003's Karen Sisco with Carla Gugino (sigh) and Robert Forster, & producer Mark Frost's Buddy Faro from '98, with Dennis Farina & Frank Whaley.

Karen Sisco was based on the character from Elmore Leonard's novel Out Of Sight with more than a little inspiration from its 1998 film version, which had starred Jennifer Lopez in the role of Miami-based Federal Marshal Karen Sisco. The short-lived (10 episodes) television series cast the always-gorgeous and intelligent Gugino in the role, and captured the breezy tone of Leonard's writing with remarkable success. Her father, a Miami P.I., was played by Robert Forster (Jackie Brown). The show looked terrific as well, with lots of sunny Florida scenery. ABC really screwed up by not scheduling  the show back-to-back with its then-hit show Alias, as the two programs were thematically similar and, as both had strong female leads, would probably have appealed to the same audience.

Buddy Faro was another breezy crime show with a fantastic, feature-film quality cast. Whaley (Swimming With Sharks) played Bob Jones, a struggling L.A. private investigator who idolizes a legendary private eye - the titular Faro (Farina) - a swingin' Rat Pack-type dick who disappeared in the late 70s on a case. Jones tracks him down in a gutter in Mexico, sobers him up, and takes him on as his partner. The stories were great fun, with Faro portrayed as a sort of fish-out-of-water, still living in the 60s, dealing with the modern world (of 1998) in his own retro-tough guy way.

Obviously, neither show managed the sort of ratings that would have kept them on the air, but man, I loved 'em both. Sadly, I don't think either show is a good candidate for DVD... but then, lots of oddball stuff has been hitting disc lately. Maybe there's still some hope.

The Spies No One Remembers.... Except Me

There are a few James Bond knock-offs that I remember watching on TV in the late 70s (& 1980) that I have never heard anyone else mention. One of these was Billion Dollar Threat, a 1979 TV movie that starred Dale Robinette as secret agent Robert Sands, who must foil the nefarious plan of mad scientist Horatio Black - played by none other than John Steed himself, Patrick Macnee - to destroy the ozone layer with a nuclear missile.

I actually taped this one off of TV, so I watched it a number of times. It was a pretty fair - if cheap - little Bondian adventure, written by Hammer Studios vet Jimmy Sangster (Deadlier Than The Male), who seemed to have a penchant for this type of stuff....

Because Sangster also wrote the 1980 ABC telefilm, Once Upon A Spy, which starred a pre-Cheers Ted Danson as a computer expert/reluctant spy who is drafted into a mission to stop another mad scientist - this time portrayed by The Man With The Golden Gun, Scaramanga, in the guise of Sir Christopher Lee - who has a laser cannon (another one?). I remember it as being a bit more deliberately campy than Billion Dollar Threat, in a Man From U.N.C.L.E. sort of way.

Sangster didn't write (I wonder how he missed out on this one), but legitimate 007 veteran Richard Maibaum (Goldfinger, Thunderball, et al) did, the same year's S*H*E - Security Hazards Expert, which starred Cornelia Sharpe as Lavinia Keane, a sort of female Bond in a globetrotting adventure that I remember watching but am unable to recall a single detail of. Omar Sharif played her adversary, an International blackmailer.

None of these are available on DVD, although S*H*E did get a VHS release.I would really like to see all of these again one day....

Still Missing On DVD: PEACEMAKER (1990)

A couple of days after posting my "Nine Movies I (Still) Want On DVD" article here, I decided to look around online for a cheap VHS copy of one of those titles, the 1990 sci-fi actioner, Peacemaker (not to be confused with the 1997 George Clooney flick), starring Robert Forster (Jackie Brown). Sure enough, I found one for around $5 (including shipping), so I ordered it. Well, it showed up on Monday, and Wednesday afternoon I transferred it to DVD-R. I just finished watching it.

I'm pleased to say that it lived up to my vague but positive memory of renting it back in '90. Although clearly a very low-budget film, it has a smart and genuinely witty screenplay that keeps you guessing almost until the end, strong B-movie performances from Forster, Robert Davi (Licence To Kill) and leading actress Hilary Shepard (a lovely woman who really should have had a bigger screen career), and amazing stunt work of the kind you rarely see today, even in big-budget studio flicks.

The plot borrows elements of The Terminator and The Hidden, but has a fresh twist. The story basically chronicles a running battle in 1990 Los Angeles between two humanoid extraterrestrials. One is a serial killer, the other is the Peacemaker (policeman) chasing him. A pretty young coroner, Dr. Dori Caisson (Shepard), gets caught up in their conflict, but isn't sure which one is the criminal and which one is the cop - and neither is the audience until late in the third act. In the meantime, the two aliens shoot, beat and blow each other up - but since they can regenerate their damaged bodies, none of the mayhem does much more than force brief interludes between clashes so they can heal up for the next.

Surprisingly, the movie was directed by Kevin Tenney, who is best known (by those of us who possess encyclopedic knowledge of exploitation films - not that that's a good thing, necessarily) for directing a handful of cheesy - but profitable - horror films in the late 80s-early 90s like Night Of The Demons, Witchboard and Witchtrap. I say "surprisingly" because, while those films were somewhat entertaining, nothing in his directorial resume suggested that he would prove so adept at an action flick... and it is with the action sequences that Peacemaker truly excels.

Seriously, you're lucky today if any DTV flick - even the so-called "action" films - have genuine stunts in them at all. Fight scenes are all shaky-cam and quick cuts, car chases are listless and boring, explosions and gunfire are all cheap CGI... but Peacemaker is loaded from front to back with terrific stunt work. There are tons of gunfights, fistfights, jumping through glass, car chases and crashes (and I mean like the kind you used to see on CHiPs back in the day - with cars flying through the air end-over-end), huge explosions... it really is glorious. The list of stuntpeople in the end credits is nearly twice the length of the list of speaking cast, and contains the names of a number of well known stuntmen and women.

Yes, it's a cheap, direct-to-VHS movie from 1990. The opening spaceship footage is culled from Roger Corman's Battle Beyond The Stars, and some of the acting is marginal at best. But damn, it's fun.

If you still have a working VCR and are willing to hunt around for it - or search on YouTube long enough - it's well-worth watching. Peacemaker is a genuine B-movie gem.

Nine B-Movies I (Still) Want On DVD

Here's one of my periodic lists of B-movies and cult films that I still want on DVD (or even Manufactured-On-Demand DVD-R) for my video collection. Most of these are favorites from my days haunting mom & pop video stores in the Eighties.

As far as I know (and I hope someone will let me know if I'm mistaken), none of these titles are currently available on authorized, Region 1, DVDs or Blu-ray. (Don't talk to me about R2 or other foreign editions. I know it's difficult to believe, movie buff that I am, but I don't own a region-free player and couldn't afford import discs even if I did).

This was originally a list of ten movies, but I just found out that the 1984 Tom Selleck film Lassiter is due out on DVD later this month. 

Arena (1989)

Avenging Force (1986)

Eliminators (1986)

Force: Five (1981)

Godzilla (1985)

I, The Jury (1982)

Ninja III - The Domination (1984)

PeaceMaker (1990)

The Soldier (1982)

I have about half of these titles on VHS, but aside from the fact that they're all pan & scan versions, they're all so old that the tapes are starting to demagnetize (is that a word?) and the image quality is significantly degraded....

Still Missing on DVD: THE SOLDIER (1982)

I just reviewed director James Glickenhaus' 1980 vigilante flick, The Exterminator, over on the DVD Late Show website. It's not a great movie, but I enjoyed revisiting it, and I began to wonder whatever happened to Glickenhaus' follow-up film, the 1982 low-budget, action-espionage flick, The Soldier.

Again, I wouldn't really say that The Soldier is a particularly good movie - like a lot of the director's films, it has a few truly terrific action set-pieces tenuously linked together by a somewhat dodgy script. But in the early 80s, the movie was ubiquitous - you could find the VHS tape in every mom & pop video store, and it ran endlessly on HBO in late night/pre-dawn slots for several years.

Starring Ken Wahl, pre-Wiseguy, a few other tough-guy actors (most notably, the late Steve James), and Klaus Kinski as the heavy, The Soldier was a definite cult favorite - especially among teenage males and insomniacs. The director even paid tribute to it in his 1988 cops 'n robbers flick Shakedown, where he had it playing constantly at the 42nd Street grindhouse frequented by Sam Elliot's character. For some reason, though, it's never made the jump to digital disc - at least not in U.S. As far as I have been able determine, the rights might be held by MGM, so maybe there's a slim chance that they'll release it as one of their Manufacture-On-Demand "Limited Edition Collection" titles.

I'll have to keep an eye on Netflix. If The Soldier shows up on Netflix's Instant service, that will be a definite indicator that someone has finally dug it out of the vault and may be working on a MOD DVD release (that's been MGM's pattern so far).

Still Missing on DVD: I, The Jury (1982)

So, Robert Aldrich's Mickey Spillane film "adaptation," Kiss Me Deadly came out on Blu-ray last week (I haven't picked it up yet, but it's a priority purchase, and I hope to get my hands on it soon), and My Gun Is Quick came out on Manufacture-On-Demand DVD from MGM earlier this month (you can read my review HERE), but there's another Spillane-based film that has never been released on DVD that I would very much like to add to my library, and that's 1982's I, The Jury, directed by Richard T. Heffron from a screenplay by Larry Cohen.

Starring Armand Assante as Mike Hammer and Barbara Carrera as the flick's femme fatale, I, The Jury takes great liberties with the Spillane source novel (as do the other films mentioned above), but is chock-full of sleazy, drive-in movie energy. The cinematography has something of a TV movie look (at least, it does on the pan & scan VHS print; the only one available for the last thirty years - presumably, it would look better in its correct theatrical widescreen aspect ratio), but it's gleefully violent, filled with gratuitous nudity, and Assante plays Hammer with a nice psychotic edge. Cohen's script is wryly humorous and damned sexy, and the supporting cast - which includes Laurene Landon, Paul Sorvino, Judson Scott and Geoffrey Lewis - is great. I also love Bill Conti's jazzy score.

It was not a box office success, and it's not really remembered fondly by most people (at least, not on the IMDb), but I've loved it ever since I first rented the tape as a teenager. It's not at all faithful to Spillane's novel (except the ending), but it's not a 50s period piece, either. As a product of the early 80s, I think it updates the Spillane style quite appropriately. Everything's more cynical and graphic - and that was the early 1980s, all over.

It was originally released by American Cinema, one of the first "big" films from the scrappy little studio that had made the early Chuck Norris vehicles A Force Of One and The Octagon. The VHS was issued not long after its theatrical showings by CBS/Fox - but that particular entity no longer exists, with CBS and Fox having long ago gone their separate corporate ways. A few of the American Cinema titles made it to DVD a few years ago (albeit as pan & scan, budget-priced discs from Trinity Entertainment), but I, The Jury wasn't among them, so I wonder if the rights are tied up elsewhere?

I'd love to see I, The Jury make it to DVD (or, better yet, Blu-ray); maybe a quality cult label like Blue Underground or Severin Films could untangle the rights and give it a digital upgrade.

I hope so - my VHS tape is nearly worn out.

Hey, Warner Archives!

A few years ago, when my wife and I lived in Florida, our cable package included the GoodLife Network. This channel specialized in old TV shows and Rascal scooter/men's enhancement product commercials. But one night a week, they ran a spy night (I Spy, The Avengers and The Persuaders) and on another, it was Warner Brothers private eye night, with back-to-back episodes of the "shared universe" P.I. shows 77 Sunset Strip, Hawaiian Eye and Surfside Six. (No Bourbon Street Beat, though. I wonder why?) 

Anyway, although my wife can be kinda picky about old television shows, we both enjoyed 77 Sunset Strip and Hawaiian Eye a lot. The shows were stylish, witty and featured fun ensemble casts and charming leads.

I'd love to have them all on DVD, but they've never been released on disc. I was talking about it with Brandi the other day, and it occurred to me that these shows would be ideal for the Warner Archive manufactured-on-demand DVD program. Like the many Hanna-Barbara cartoon shows that they've been issuing in complete series sets, the WB private eye shows would probably only be of interest to a comparatively small group of fans - but those fans would certainly be willing to pay to have them in authorized, complete season/series sets. They just started putting out The F.B.I. on DVD, so, obviously, they're not opposed to releasing some of their live-action TV back catalog.

I know I would collect them, if affordably priced. Anyone else out there want to see Warner Archives pull these great shows out of the vault?

TEN TV Shows I Want on DVD - The Video Edition

I'm not saying that they're all good shows - but I would still love to have theses series on DVD - especially Batman, Karen Sisco and Thundarr. Runners-up that didn't quite make the list include the Warner Bros. P.I. shows from the 60's (77 Sunset Strip, Hawaiian Eye, Bourbon Street Beat, Surfside 6), The Green Hornet, The Six Million Dollar Man and Buddy Faro.

1. BATMAN (1966) starring Adam West & Burt Ward

2. KAREN SISCO (2003) starring Carla Gugino & Robert Forster

3. A MAN CALLED SLOANE (1979) starring Robert Conrad

4. THE FANTASTIC JOURNEY (1977) starring Jared Martin & Ike Eisenmann

5. THE MAGICIAN (1973) starring Bill Bixby

6. THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN (1980) by Ruby-Spears

7. BANYON (1972) starring Robert Forster

8. TARZAN (1978) by Filmation Studios

9. TARZAN (1966) starring Ron Ely

10. PRIVATE EYE (1987) starring Michael Woods

My 15 "Most Wanted" DVDs!

Back around 2006, I wrote up one of these lists, and since then, around half of the titles I wanted at the time have shown up on legal DVDs - FROM BEYOND, WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH, LAND UNKNOWN, THE MONSTER SQUAD, THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN, the CHARLIE CHAN series, etc. Some of them - DOC SAVAGE and the Gordon Scott TARZAN titles, specifically - only on Manufacture-On-Demand DVD-Rs from Warner Archive, but at least they're available. And still others (A STUDY IN TERROR, STARCRASH) have been announced as coming to disc soon.

Some still haven't appeared on commercial Region 1 DVD, though, and they're at the top of this list:

1. I, THE JURY (1982). This Larry Cohen-scripted take on Mickey Spillane's first and best-known novel's got nothing whatsoever to do with the book. Armand Assante bears no resemblance to the Mike Hammer described by Spillane. Yet, there's a surging current of trashy, exploitation flick electricity that catches me up every time I put in my old, beat-up VHS copy. Good cast, too: Lauren Landon, Geoffrey Lewis, Paul Sorvino, and a frequently naked Barbara Carrera. Why isn't this on DVD?

2. CAST A DEADLY SPELL (1991). This made-for-HBO, Martin Campbell (CASINO ROYALE)-directed fantasy starred the vastly underrated Fred Ward (TREMORS) as Phil Lovecraft, a down on his luck private eye in an alternate 1940's Los Angeles where everybody uses magic and the supernatural is natural. A great pastiche of Forties noir and pulp horror, with outstanding performances by Ward, David Warner, Clancy Brown and Julianne Moore... with hardboiled dialogue to die for. There was also a sequel, WITCH HUNT, which wasn't quite as good (despite being directed by Paul Schrader), and which recast/miscast Dennis Hopper in the Lovecraft role. Neither is available on DVD.

3. THE LAST DINOSAUR (1977). Richard Boone is a millionaire big game hunter with an awful toupee who discovers a prehistoric lost world hidden among the snow fields of Antarctica. Trapped there, he becomes obsessed, Ahab-style, with killing a T-Rex. The dinosaurs are men in suits (made by Toho FX guys!) and the film was made by Rankin-Bass Productions. Hell, I can still remember the theme song... This ridiculous Seventies TV movie is a treasured childhood memory, and I really want a good copy of it.

4. THEY BITE (1996). An early feature by B-movie director/FX artist Brett Piper (SHOCK-O-RAMA) that was only ever available on VHS, THEY BITE is an ambitious spoof of Fifties sea-monster flicks, with tons of cool low-tech special effects, rubber monster suits, naked women, insanely bad acting, and porn "god" Ron "Hedgehog" Jeremy in a featured role. I love this movie!

5. GODZILLA VS. MEGALON (1973), and, while we're at it, 6. GODZILLA 1985 (1984) and 7. GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE (1989). These three titles are the only films in the series not legally available on Region 1 DVDs. Because a TV-edited version of GODZILLA VS. MEGALON was incorrectly assumed to be in public domain and heavily circulated by multiple "budget" VHS labels during the 80s/90s, I believe Toho is holding back the title from a legit U.S. release. And yes, I know it's the worst of the series, but I want it anyway. GODZILLA (Known as GODZILLA 1985 in the U.S.) was released theatrically by New World Pictures in a heavily-edited and re-scored version with Raymond Burr and lots of Dr. Pepper product placement. Anchor Bay picked it up with the rest of the New World library and announced that they planned on issuing it on DVD, but Toho is apparently blocking its release in any form. GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE was released by Miramax on VHS (in widescreen), and as far as I can tell, they still have the U.S. rights, but seem to have no interest in releasing it on DVD (Now I'm really wishing I'd bought the laserdisc when I had the chance).

8. FORCE: FIVE (1981). Handsome and charismatic World kickboxing champ Joe Lewis only starred in two films (the other was 1979's JAGUAR LIVES!), and that's a shame, because I thought he had the makings of a real exploitation action star. He couldn't act, of course, but he looked great kicking ass! This low-budget rip-off of ENTER THE DRAGON (written & directed by that film's director, Robert Clouse) teamed him with a handful of other skilled martial artists (among them, Richard Norton and Benny Urquidez) for a fun, fast-paced, chop-socky camp classic that I remember fondly.

9. BEASTMASTER 2: THROUGH THE PORTAL OF TIME (1991). Not a great movie, but I remember it being kinda fun, with Marc Singer reprising his role as the Doctor Doolittle of sword-slinging barbarian heroes and amusing turns by Wings Hauser and Sarah Douglas as the villains. Dar the Barbarian finds himself running around 1990 Los Angeles looking for an evil wizard, accompanied by his black tiger and kleptomaniac ferrets. How can that not be entertaining?

10. YOR, THE HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE (1984). This Italian-made caveman/sci-fi cheesefest starring beefy Reb Brown is one of the most entertaining drive-in adventures of the 80s, and a VHS and pay cable perennial. Unfortunately, it's nowhere to be found (legally) on DVD.

11. THE SOLDIER (1982). James Glickenhaus' (THE EXTERMINATOR, SHAKEDOWN) low-budget espionage epic, starring a pre-WISEGUY Ken Wahl and sporting a Tangerine Dream score was one of biggest drive-in and grindhouse hits of the early 80s. But, as far as I can tell, it's not on DVD.

12 & 13. Also missing in action even now are the Cannon films ninja epics ENTER THE NINJA with Franco Nero (DJANGO) and Susan George (CRAZY MARY DIRTY LARRY) and the nigh-legendary NINJA III - THE DOMINATION. The second of their "ninja trilogy," REVENGE OF THE NINJA, has been available on disc for years, but with control of the MGM library (which controls the Cannon library) being passed from company to company over the past decade, these Sho Kosugi vehicles seem to have been lost in the shuffle. Both have recently shown up for online viewing, so maybe DVDs are on the way.

14. LASSITER (1984). This Word War II caper features Tom Selleck (RUNAWAY) as an American cat burglar living in London with a dance hall girl (Jane Seymour at her loveliest) who is pressed into service by American Intelligence and Scotland Yard to steal some diamonds from the German embassy. With a top-notch cast (including Bob Hoskins and Lauren Hutton), good jazz music and a light touch, it's really amazing that it's in limbo.

15. THE BIG GUNDOWN (1966). One of the few truly great Spaghetti Westerns that nobody - big studio or boutique label - has yet released on DVD. I caught it on the Starz Western Channel in pan & scan about a decade ago, and have been longing to see it in widescreen ever since. Great performances by the legendary Lee Van Cleef and Tomas Milian, excellently directed by Sergio Sollima. Long overdue.

In any case, that's my ten most wanted b-movies on DVD (at least at the moment). Feel free to post the titles you're most wanting in the comments.

Bring 'Em Back Alive

While I am extremely excited to know that Tales Of The Gold Monkey will be coming to DVD next year, I can't help but wonder if we'll ever get 1982's other Raiders of the Lost Ark-inspired television series on disc someday. I'm talking about Bring 'Em Back Alive, of course, CBS' entry in the faux Indiana Jones sweepstakes, and a show that, for my money, was just as entertaining as Tales.

The tone of the shows were slightly different - while both programs traded in pulp adventure, Tales was more character-driven, like most Donald Bellasario productions. Bring 'Em Back Alive was more like old Republic adventure serials, with exciting stunts, a likable, two-fisted swashbuckling lead, and action-packed stories. Bruce Boxleitner (Babylon 5, Tron) played a highly-fictionalized version of real-life big game trapper Frank Buck, and the show was set in 1939 Singapore. It was fun stuff, with crocodiles, Nazis, tigers, spies, monkeys with guns (okay, one monkey with a gun) and a crimeboss/spymaster who was a dead ringer for George Zucco!

I actually have bootleg copies of both shows - they look like hell, of course - and while I think that Tales was probably a slightly better show overall, Bring 'Em Back Alive was/is damned enjoyable, too. Neither show lasted more than a season, which is a shame, and I may be wrong, but I think that for at least part of that season they aired opposite each other in some sort of numbskull network counter-programming that assured that both would fail.

I'm often accused of glorifying crap, or having poor taste in my entertainment choices, but I love adventure stories, and such tales are in short supply these days in print, movies and on TV. I would be a very happy guy if I could I have both shows, in high-quality DVDs, on my shelves to enjoy whenever I needed a little escape....