Farewell, China

A little over two weeks ago, we lost our dog, China. She contracted an especially virulent case of Lyme Disease at the end of October, and although it looked as if she was going to pull through - twice - she experienced acute renal failure, and on Sunday the 13th, we took her to the vet and let her go.

I have attempted, several times, to write about this over the last two weeks, but each time I tried, I was overcome with emotion and unable to continue. Many people may not understand the depth of my bereavement over the passing of a pet, but China's death really shook me up. She was not just a member of our family - she was our family. Brandi and I adopted her from the Palm Beach Humane Society in December of '02. Over the ensuing years, she was not just our pet, but our constant companion. She accompanied us on road trips and hiking expeditions, weekend drives and camping trips, and, since we moved to Maine in '04, to every family gathering and holiday celebration.

I'm having a very difficult time adjusting to her absence. For the last six years or so, I've worked from home, and my girl was near my side all the time. I still find myself thinking several times a night that I should get up from my computer and go take her for a walk, or, often, find myself slowing as I pass the couch, reaching out to rub her belly.... and then experiencing the cold, hard feeling in my gut that reminds me that she's not there.

It's especially difficult for me because, literally less than a month ago, she was proclaimed to be in perfect health for her age, and it looked like she would be around for many more years. But once her kidneys failed, she seemed to completely give up.

I've lost pets before, and three years ago, I was devastated when we had to put our cat Audrey to sleep. But this loss is hitting me particularly hard. China was a big part of my life every day for almost ten years, and everything just feels "wrong" without her in it.

I haven't done much work over the last two weeks, and things have piled up. I have a design gig that I'm finishing up today, and a huge stack of DVDs and Blu-rays to review for my DVD Late Show website. I haven't even been up to posting to this or any of my other blogs. Hopefully, writing this indicates that I'm ready to get back to work.

Damn. I miss that dog.